Xiao Chiye gazed at Shen Zechuan and thought in the silence that reigned.
Although he had also previously found Shen Zechuan thin back in Qudu, it was still much better than now.
Shen Zechuan’s bout of illness after Qi Huilian’s death came and went
quickly, but he had still yet to be fed back to health. There was
nothing the entire journey here. Xiao Chiye held him, watched him,
protecting his growing reliance on him every way he could.
Shen Wei and Bai Cha did not matter.
Xiao Chiye lowered his head and pressed up against Shen Zechuan’s
cheek as he stared, with deep hostility, at the sunlight which was
attempting to cloak Shen Zechuan.
Shen Lanzhou was his—Xiao Ce’an’s.
And then a little later…
“Lanzhou has lived in Zhongbo for a long time, and it’s inevitable
that there will be someone bringing up old affairs. But, he, Shen
Zechuan…” Xiao Chiye raised the horsewhip and pointed in the direction
of Qudu, “… is the student of Qi Huilian,
the Grand Mentor of the Crown Prince in the Eastern Palace; the last
disciple of Ji Gang of Duanzhou; the former Northern Judge-cum-Vice
Commander of the Imperial Bodyguards; and the head of household of my – Xiao Ce’an’s – future residence. He has nothing to do with any other names.”
Prompted by his father telling that he has a horse looks like it would be perfect for Xiao Chiye’s wife, Chiye finally tells his father that he’s not seeing some girl, but instead has a man as his partner.
“I found myself a man!” Sunlight shone on Xiao Chiye’s face, dispelling the dark clouds of yesterday. This brat was truly a little rascal as he shouted provocatively, “The best-looking man in the whole of Dazhou is my wife!”
Having said that, he did not even wait for Xiao Fangxu’s reaction before he turned around and took to his heels.
Heh, can’t wait see to see Xiao Fangxu’s reaction when he finds out the identity of the man in question, when he’s already going off like this with just the mention of a male wife.
“Xiao Chiye!” Xiao Fangxu let out an earth-shaking roar. He pushed himself off the ground with his hands to chase after him, but he could not catch up. In a fit of anger, he picked up a piece of horse dung and flung it at Xiao Chiye, cussing, “Get your ass back here and make yourself clear!”
I don’t understand the political details of this Cizhou plot but it’s so fun to watch the governor and his strategist constantly panicked by cezhou, like they’re just living and -
xiao chiye: *doesn’t even glance at the beautiful courtesan they sent him, only has eyes for lanzhou*
xiao chiye: how DARE you associate shen lanzhou with anyone except me, he’s the one I’ll marry and has nothing to do with anyone else
xiao chiye: just a reminder :) I can come back w my huge army at any time :) I’m just waiting for lanzhou to call me :)
Devil, bastard, stray dog, vile beast.” Shen Zechuan rose to his feet
and crouched outside the bars. He began to laugh at Ji Lei, and said in
an insane yet restrained tone, “You’re right, I’m all of them. I’m the
devil who climbed my way out of the Chashi sinkhole, the bastard Shen
Wei left behind after he burned himself to death, the stray dog without a
home to return to, and the vile beast reviled by thousands. Shishu, I’m so delighted you know me so well.”
Ji Lei began to tremble uncontrollably.
Shen Zechuan looked askance at him. His gaze was far more sinister
and malicious than how it was back then. It was as if a man had already
died under this layer of gorgeous skin, and all that survived was an
unnamed beast.
“Five years ago,” Shen Zechuan drew closer to the bars and
scrutinized Ji Lei’s fearful expression. He said softly, “The one
kneeling here was me. What was that you said to me the day you sent me
into Zhao Zui Temple?”
Ji Lei’s throat and eyes tensed. He wanted to answer, but he could not voice it out.
“I have been remembering everyone’s kindness with gratitude.” Shen Zechuan said piously. “Every day. Every night.”
Xiao Chiye gazed at Shen Zechuan and thought in the silence that reigned.
Although he had also previously found Shen Zechuan thin back in Qudu, it was still much better than now.
Shen Zechuan’s bout of illness after Qi Huilian’s death came and went
quickly, but he had still yet to be fed back to health. There was
nothing the entire journey here. Xiao Chiye held him, watched him,
protecting his growing reliance on him every way he could.
Shen Wei and Bai Cha did not matter.
Xiao Chiye lowered his head and pressed up against Shen Zechuan’s
cheek as he stared, with deep hostility, at the sunlight which was
attempting to cloak Shen Zechuan.
Shen Lanzhou was his—Xiao Ce’an’s.
And then a little later…
“Lanzhou has lived in Zhongbo for a long time, and it’s inevitable
that there will be someone bringing up old affairs. But, he, Shen
Zechuan…” Xiao Chiye raised the horsewhip and pointed in the direction
of Qudu, “… is the student of Qi Huilian,
the Grand Mentor of the Crown Prince in the Eastern Palace; the last
disciple of Ji Gang of Duanzhou; the former Northern Judge-cum-Vice
Commander of the Imperial Bodyguards; and the head of household of my – Xiao Ce’an’s – future residence. He has nothing to do with any other names.”
“I attempted to survey the horizons for a glimpse of Libei from the top of the tallest building in Qudu, but even Meng could not see it
when it flew up into the clouds. It was then I understood for the first
time how much of a remote possibility it was to return home. I’ve
learned plenty from shifu, but it was only when I was in Qudu that I began to understand the truths behind those words. I am a man burning with ambitions, and Qudu is the teacher that taught me to
restrain all those desires. My encounter with Lanzhou did not happen by
accident. He was the last line of defense when I was about to hit my
limit and lose it. He is also the indulgence and freedom I lost and
regained.”
Xiao Chiye lifted a finger, as if he had drawn a line.
“I am complete. The parts of me that were broken and lacking are now
encased with steel. I would no longer stop when I walked out of Qudu again. Whether it was twenty years
ago or ten years ago, my father and eldest brother both made the best
choice, and now, it’s my turn. The mountain we surmount might not
necessarily remain our foes forever. I acknowledge how outstanding my
father and eldest brother are. I revere and cherish them, but that is
the part that belongs to ‘family’, not the ‘Libei Armored Cavalry’. We
are wolves that have strayed from the pack. Our return to the pack is
not for us to submit and bow to the commands of others, but to carve out
our own place and positions among them.”
I love him so so so SO much! Which is kinda funny seeing I started the novel loathing him and unable to believe I’d ever be able to even tolerate him. And the bit how it’s meeting SZC that saved him and completed him. Mmmm!
Shen Zechuan’s face was pale under that gaze. He opened his mouth
several times, but could not bring himself to speak. Xiao Chiye gazed at
him, until a long time later when he finally heard Shen Zechuan say
with a sob, “It hurts.”
Xiao Chiye cupped Shen Zechuan’s cheeks and raised his face. Shen
Zechuan looked as if he had returned to the time when he was a child.
Tears streamed down his cheeks as he repeated “it hurts” over and over
again with his lips trembling.
Xiao Chiye stroked Shen Zechuan’s hair and wiped his tears with his
thumbs. He said, “Where does it hurt? Tell me all about it.”
Shen Zechuan broke out into sobs. Even his shoulders were trembling.
He was so grief-stricken as he cried, as though he was venting all these
years of anguish in this one night. But he was dumb; he did not know
where he was hurting. He clearly could no longer endure this kind of
pain anymore. He disconsolately let Xiao Chiye wipe his cheeks. Tears
brimmed in his eyes. There was nothing left of all those machinations
that spoke of a maturity far beyond his age, only naked pain.
Xiao Chiye rolled over and embraced Shen Zechuan. He took all of Shen
Zechuan into his arms, providing a haven where Shen Zechuan could
remove his mask. They hugged each other tightly. Xiao Chiye listened as
Shen Zechuan cried himself hoarse, like a small animal that had been
abandoned, and at the same time, like a battered child who was broken
and bleeding. Gradually, Xiao Chiye’s chest was soaked through. He
caressed Shen Zechuan’s hair, answering again and again,
“It won’t hurt anymore. I promise. Lanzhou will never hurt again.”
I have found hurt/comfort heaven and this is it. I especially love that he’s not even physically wounded, it’s just all the psychic trauma has gotten too much.
Seriously, the breakdown was way way overdue and he needed it but the fact that Xiao Chiye is here to comfort him through it!!!!
I fully realize this is completely irrational and Xiao Daddy has every right to have fits that not only has Xiao Chiye lost and some of his Imperial Army got killed but that the rescue force also sustained losses BUT SHUT YOUR FUCKING GOB, OLD MAN!!!!!
Yes, I’ve reached “utterly illogical and will stan my fave no matter what” stage of character attachment.
But seriously, Xiao Chiye almost got killed and honestly anyone gets defeated sometimes and I am generally not fond of Daddy seeing that he sent his kid as a hostage to the imperials first, then when he managed to return did not give him a decent role but put him in charge of supplies and in general, my atititude in this novel has progressed to: if you don’t treat Shen Zechuan, Xiao Chiye or Yao Wenyu the way I want, I hate you whether that makes sense or not. Hey, it’s a novel not RL and I am not on a jury, I can be as irrational as I want.
PS The symbolism of SZC’s arm guard saving XC’s life!
PPS I continue to loathe Xue Xiuzhuo because nothing is as gross to me as a warped idealist who will personally dismember anyone who gets in the way and who has nothing but that nebulous ideal to get to which he will wade through the seas of blood. I don’t see a problem with his “noble goal” per se but as someone who grew up in a country taken apart by people full of noble goals they used horrific methods to achieve, what freaks me out about him is his nature and his methods.
He is not the only ruthless character in this, but people like Shen Zechuan have people they genuinely love and would put first, and are in general capable of genuine emotional connection. XXZ is not. There is literally nobody he would pause to throw under the bus, no person who is important to him. Nothing matters but his ideal and he’s willing to do anything disgusting to achieve it. And that way, as history teaches, lie various monsters doing monstrosities for the greater good. You cannot genuinely care for “the people” if you don’t see the humanity in individuals - you will end up killing and killing for your perfect world because nothing is quite real to you.
Our mains will kill enemies - i.e., people who hurt them or actively oppose them. But there is a huge difference between them and XXZ. It’s clear XXZ would eat a basket full of babies if it got him his goal. (There is also the ironic fact that if he just left Yao Wenyu the hell alone, he’d be better off. All YWY wanted was to stay out of it but XXZ was too paranoid to allow this and so he handed YWY as a strategist to SZC with his own two hands. I am gonna love your hopefully grisly demise, dude.)